Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Dear NYC,

Why is it that hearing the accents of people from Canada or the Midwest make me want to eat meatloaf and mashed potatoes? I also become overwhelmed with desire for a glass of whole milk. And a smart shoe.

You too?
The Woobs

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Dear NYC,

At the next 'Big City Town Hall Meeting' can you please bring up the issue of open-mouthed breathers? Particularly those in close proximity to my person? Perhaps Bloomberg can put his weight behind a municipal bond that would keep these offenders away from me.

Oh and one more thing, backpacks on wheels. Why?

I'm sorry to complain. I just want to see you change for the better.

Big love,
The Woobs

Monday, May 12, 2008

Dear NYC,

Sometimes I want to drink a toast to you with a nice red at a cozy Italian restaurant in the West Village, and later present you with a mix tape of our favorite songs.

Other times I don't want to be anywhere near you. I experience feelings of detestation so seemingly insurmountable that I feel as though we are looking at each other from opposite sides of the San Andreas Fault. Must there be all those bodies standing so near me?! Is that smell necessary?!! Really? Ugh!

I'm pretty sure it's normal for me to feel this way though. John Tesh says (and I'm paraphrasing) that it's okay to express negative emotion as long as it's constructive and accompanied by something positive.

This is healthy. I'm sure of it.

The Woobs

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Dear NYC,

Hey! Yesterday, I was walking uptown on Broadway from my office by Wall St. and there were two very specific things I noticed about my fellow walkers:

1) Eating Doritos with thumb and pointer finger ONLY is common even among large burly men. It is important to note that it is even common to have the remaining three digits cocked sky-ward.

2) I laughed to myself several times upon passing a man or woman who was in the middle of expressing disdain via some variation of the word "Fuck".

Miss you,
The Woobs