Friday, April 25, 2008

Dear NYC,

With Mother's Day fast approaching, I feel it's only appropriate to provide you with a small motherly anecdote. Feel free to do the same for me about your mother (Albany?). Sometimes my mother imparts such naked bluntness on a situation that I'm literally staggered by its exactitude. Prepare yourself, NYC.

(The Woobs and Mother sit in the dimly-lit kitchen finishing up dinner, when their 1-year old Labrador proudly struts in displaying an un-earthed slipper.)

THE WOOBS: Who's a good boy? Who is? You are! That's right it's you!!

MOTHER: I can't believe how fast he's growing.

THE WOOBS: I know, it really seems like he is bigger and bigger every day. His body looks like it's growing faster than his legs.

MOTHER: He looks like 10 lbs. of shit in a 5 lb. bag.


Peace and Love,
The Woobs

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Dear NYC,

Spotted: A boy of about 15 years, in a blue hoodie and matching blue jeans, holding a Rubik's Cube with only it's blue-side completed.

NYC, if I were half the Woobs I claim to be, I would have thrown my turkey sandwich at him as punishment for being so....blissfully, bluefully, ignorant to his irony. Instead, I simply watched him leave his seat and out of my sight. Forever.

The Woobs